Truth be told, there was a time in my life when I rarely went to the doctor. I barely made annual check ups. During that time, the only reason I made the annual visit was because I was sick. If you are anything like I was keep reading this article is for you.
Once I finally saw the doctor, the 1st thing my physician did was determine the current state of my health by asking probing questions and gaining insight about existing symptoms.
Like the doctor, you have to access your state of health. You cannot provide yourself the appropriate amount of love and support without self awareness. It’s time to become more interested than your doctor about all things related to you. If you are anything like me when I started my journey to self, I’m sure you are already thinking of all the things that are wrong with the outer you…..weight, clothes, what other people think, what God thinks, etc. etc. etc.
Hit the pause button. You are a multi faceted being. There are so many layers an levels of you. There’s the outer image. The one you show to the world at church, on a job interview, when you meet someone for the 1st time. She’s the one that meets your child’s teacher on report card night
There’s the part of you that lives with your significant other and the kids. She’s the one that’s worried about not doing enough while cooking dinner, taking a shower, straightening the house, doing homework, wrapping up a project for work, & prepping everyone for work/school tomorrow. If you’re anything like I was when my kids were younger, you’re on auto pilot focused on everything but yourself.
Then there’s the Inner You. This is the part of you that no one knows but you and Goddess. It’s the intangible parts of you that are housed in the vessel you refer to as your body. Your Spirit, a direct reflection of the soul and the portion of God experiencing itself as You. Whether you experience rare glimpses of your spirit or you are actively in tune with it, this is the part that is your essence contemplating, dreaming, pondering, yearning for (you fill in the blank).
Most of your existing knowledge of self is tied to the first and second aspects described above. For the purpose of this work, I want you to delve into the secret places of the latter aspect. Your spirit is Sacred, Divine, Holy in the eyes of God. This is true regardless of the internal dialogue of religious dogma resisting my statement.
Some readers are aware of the Spirit. They recognize that you are a spiritual being having a human experience. Others are still tapped into the matrix unaware of they are more than a body waiting to go to heaven. Either way, I admonish you to approach it with gentleness and respect.
My journey to self seemed sudden unexpected, and completely outside of my control. It took place as I drove 80 miles an hour from Houston to Dallas with my kids in tow. Mental exhaustion and hyperventilation replaced my ability to breathe. My plan was to get myself to the hospital in hopes that a doctor would give me a pill to fix this so I could continue with my chaotic life. Instead of a pill I received a shot that left me high and practically incoherent for 48 hours. When I finally began to regain a sense of myself, I was sitting in a doctor’s office being told that not only would medication not fix this problem but I need to drastically change my life or I wouldn’t have one at all.
The truth of it all is my journey to self WAS NOT sudden at all. I simply was so far removed from my essence that I couldn’t hear her screaming until she did so in a manner that threatened by very existence. The moment had been coming for a long time. Not unlike the speeding car I was driving during the onset of this anxiety attack, I’d been running away from myself for years. After childhood abuse, molestation, teen pregnancy, 2 divorces by age 30, and a hurricane I still hadn’t taken the time to heal me. I was so focused on the loudness of the life happening around me, I couldn’t hear the whispers of God calling from the inside out. So, in true God form, She found another way to capture my attention. Mission accomplished! Tonya’s listening. May I have my breathe back please?
What followed the attack was therapy and intense personal growth work and a spiritual awakening. A part of me wishes I could say it was a quick and easy ride. The truth Is, it was one of the scariest and most challenging periods of my life. The evolution of me is ongoing and continues to render blessings of wisdom, love, intuition, peace, abundance and much more. At this stage, sharing knowledge and experience heals me as much as it heals you.
I can only assume the call of spirit is what attracted you to this work. Generally speaking, when working with self love, self esteem, self worth, self care it usually leads to working with things you’ve collected from family (root chakra) and the inner child archetype. As I did my work, I had to take a look at the various inner child archetypes. I uncovered patterns of victimization, self sabotage, abandonment and more. I also discovered how magical I AM, found my voice, and discovered the power in maturing my inner self.
Here’s a few questions to ask yourself on this journey to mothering and
- What did I need as a child that I didn’t receive? Am I still trying to fill that void today?
- What secrets, family patterns, or painful experiences are holding you captive?
- What am I avoiding looking at about MYSELF?
- Why am I grappling with feelings of abandonment regardless of whether or not I’m in a relationship?
- Is it time to look at that painful childhood experience in a different way?
- Am I trying to make my partner compensate for what I didn’t get from my parents?
For those of you reading this post and thinking my childhood was perfect, remember this is not about being broken. It’s simply a way to check your temperature on childhood perceptions that may be affecting your adult life. Try out these questions…..
- What are my parent’s weaknesses? How am I weak in those areas too?
- What haven’t I forgiven my parents, siblings, family for? How this unresolved issue affecting my life today?
- How are my negative self images (today) reminiscent of negative self images I held as a child?
- Am I acting out childhood patterns in my current relationships?
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